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本文作者： DALE

Q

Dear Dale,

I have a very good friend, but she is a pessimist (悲观者). She always says she is a useless person. Sometimes, I try to comfort (安慰) her, but she just ignores me and asks me to stop. I am so tired and don’t know what to do. Catherine

A

Dear Catherine,

Everyone has their own personality type, and it seems like your friend is naturally pessimistic. If this is the case, you shouldn’t expect to be able to change her attitude overnight.

However, with your encouragement, your friend may soon begin to feel good about herself.

To start with, try agreeing with some of the things your friend says. Usually, pessimistic people are used to having their views ignored. So, the next time your friend says something really negative (负面的), try to be empathetic (感同身受的) with her.

As for her feeling like a useless person, you should try and find out why she feels this way.

Usually, when a person feels worthless (没用的), it’s because someone important to them has told them that, such as a teacher or relative. Indeed, if someone tells you at a young age that you’re useless, it usually stays with you for the rest of your life.

Talking with her to get to the bottom of her problem may not work, but you could try other ways to help her.

Try to focus on your friend’s good qualities and compliment her on them. For example, if she’s good at singing, you should tell her how great she sounds every time she sings. That way, she knows that she has her own special talents.

Relying on (依靠) negative thoughts all the time seems like an easy way to get through life. But with your love and support, your friend will see how valuable she really is.

Dale